so peta is all upset about obama’s cruel and heartless murder of a fly during a recent interview, even sending him humane bug catchers.

when i drive to houston to see the fam, my vehicle inevitably ends up caked with the carcasses of poor, innocent insects, often taken in the prime of their lives by my murderous cross-country rampage.  if i were a peta-ite, i would barely be able to make the drive, tears filling my eyes with each sickening thud, every yellow splat signifying another casualty, another father or mother who won’t be going home to their larvae.  i’m not proud to say that i’ve probably orphaned many maggots.

so here’s my question…if peta is such a huge organization, why don’t i see cars driving around at 5 miles an hour on the interstate, or with pillows stuck to the grill and windshield to protect these noble creatures from death by blunt force trauma?  before calling out obama for cutting down a fly that still had his whole life ahead of him (a day, maybe even two), i want to know you’re doing everything in your power to prevent violence against bugs.  i want to see some pillow covered cars, peta.

that being said, i think obama’s use of deadly force was unfortunate, and i will be setting up a memorial fund for the fly’s surviving relatives.  send your checks to me and i’ll be sure the bereaved fly family is taken care of.